passion squared getting to no header

Getting to No

October 24, 2015Nina KovnerGROW

Focusing is about saying no.  -Steve Jobs

 

As I observe small businesses and what makes one stand out from the other, I find myself almost always going back to a concept I learned long ago from one of my greatest biz mentors and all around awesome humans Luke Jacobellis.

So much of how we ultimately create awesome in business is about the daily decisions we make. What we say yes to, what we say no to. It has to do with focus, strategy, discipline, courage and clarity. The term that Luke taught me that is forever ingrained in my mind is “creeping elegance”. Now you may be thinking, what the heck does that mean? Well, let me explain.

Example #1
You Gotta Be Everywhere
Someone in your business, maybe even you, was told it’s important to be on every social platform. So you go ahead and just start running, spending time, money and energy, creating content, claiming your platforms, trying to get buy-in from the team, etc, etc. A few months down the road, you notice that you are spending more time and money than you intended, with little to no results. In fact, you may have already abandoned the platforms. What happened? Well, instead of saying no to some and yes to others, instead of sitting back and building a plan, instead of determining which platforms fit best with your strategy, you just dove in and said yes to everything.

Example #2
If It Worked For Me, It Will Work For You
Another small business owner calls you up and tells you you must try this marketing program that worked awesome for them. You get all excited and dive right in, spending time, money and energy to try and make it work for you. A few months down the road, the program is not getting the results you want, and is abandoned, just like the social platforms example.

Example #3
We Must Have Balloons
You decide it’s time to re-invent your service menu. A few others on the team suggest that you not only do menus, but that you also do brochures, cards, signs, pins and balloons (trying to make a point here with the balloons). You get busy, and excited, and next thing you know, you spend a gazillion dollars and blow through a million trees, all the while all you really wanted was a new menu and in fact, that was all you needed.

Example #4
I Cannot Live Without This Product
You get pitched a new product line to carry or use in your business. You love it, it fits with your brand and strategy, so you say yes. A few months later, you get pitched another one, or a team member gets all excited about something and instead of having the hard discussion of saying no, you say yes. Then another, then another. A few months down the road, you wake up to excess inventory, a multitude of vendors, money tied up and wonder, how did this happen?

These are just a few examples of “creeping elegance”. We all get so “busy” that we say yes instead of no. But what we do not realize at the time is that the yes we are saying turns into possibly months of time, money and energy wasted that could have been put towards systems, products, services and programs that fit the strategy and get results.

Yes I know, it’s tough to slow down and make mindful decisions, but that is part of what we signed up for when we chose to own a business. If you have a strategy, which is a gotta do for being awesome in business, it becomes easier to say no as well as yes. Getting to no may be one of the best things you can do for your sanity, your bank account, your team, your customers and your business. Give it a try.

Example #5
You Can’t Miss This
This is probably one of the most important ones for those who find themselves pulled in a gazillion directions and feeling burned out more often than you would like. We all know FOMO (fear of missing out), well let me introduce you to JOMO (joy of missing out). You see, there is no possible way we can be “everywhere” if we are going to keep our sanity. And as leaders and small biz owners, we must do our best to stay present, grounded, and yes, sane. When we are clear on our purpose, promise, and strategy, we begin to learn that while that event or that program or that party sounds like a ton of fun, I am going to pass this time. Read that, and let it sink in. I AM GOING TO PASS THIS TIME. Try it. And just feel your shoulders drop.

Love + Awesomeness-
Nina

(this post was originally written in December 2013, had been updated and still rings true for so many)

Mentors + Models

Mentors + Models

October 16, 2015Nina KovnerENGAGE, GIVE BACK, GROW

“Mentors speed up the process of learning.” Gary Vaynerchuk

In my awesome career, I would never have gotten where I was without mentors and models. Sounds like such a simple statement, yet there are still so many that wander around, stumble over and over, and are generally lost. I hear so often of stories of professionals who are just not sure what to do with their careers.

What really blows my mind is there are mentors and models everywhere. So many awesome people, successful people, doing big things. With the social + digital web, there is NO excuse to not have a mentor or at least, models to observe and study.

So why does it seem so many are still lost? Here is my take…

1. Some people will always look for a short cut.
And there are no real short cuts to creating awesome. We all know this person. All the advice they have been given seems daunting, so they decide to just go it alone. Until they hit a big wall.

2. Some people are listening to the wrong people.
Facebook, Instagram and the web are all awesome for a gazillion reasons. It’s also one of the biggest places to find the WORST advice and recommendations. OMG, the stuff I see people talking about. Ugh. One of the most important things about finding mentors and models is to know their track record. What is their experience? Do they speak in facts or theories? We must all be very mindful of who we listen to and what we believe. I mean really, we are talking about people’s businesses and lives.

3. Some people are selfish.
Sad but true. One of my biggest mentors and all around awesome humans John Paul DeJoria says “Success unshared is failure.” Truer words have never been spoken. True leaders offer their hands, minds and hearts to those who need it.

Three ways to find mentors + models

1. Pay attention.
If you are looking for a business mentor or model, find successful businesses and who is leading them. With the social web, it is easier than ever to discover awesomeness. One of my go-to people for creating awesome as a salon owner is Keri Davis of Gila Rut Salons. In business over 20 years and a NAHA MBA Salon of the Year winner, Keri has managed to lead a happy, healthy and profitable business consistently over time. I did a Passion Profile on her which you can read here. It’s awesome, just like her.

2. Join Hairbrained
Hairbrained.me is a community of passionate artists and leaders who are more than happy to open their hearts and minds and help others. And anyone you want to reach out to is only a click away.

3. Engage On Instagram
There are so many awesome mentors + models who are caring, open, kind and passionate about empowering others. Take the time to engage with these awesome humans, and you will find they will engage back.

How can you be a mentor or model?

1. Show Up
If you have a passion for helping others and have a successful track record in your area of passion, then reach out and share your awesomeness with others, both online and off.

2. Respond
This is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. Seriously. If I had a dollar for every time I was told that a so called leader did not respond or reply when someone reached out for help I would be a gazillionaire. Look, you can ignore people if you choose, but if you do, please don’t call yourself a mentor or leader.

Our world can be so much more awesome when we realize we are one. And the more we help people, connect people, love people, empower people and support people, the better we all become. It does not get any simpler than that.

Are you looking for a mentor or model? Maybe I can help connect you. One thing I will promise you, I will show up, share, respond and reply.

Want more? Here is a little vid I did for my friends at American Salon Magazine. Enjoy!

Love + Awesomeness-
Nina

Healthy Boundaries header

What You Allow- A Story On Healthy Boundaries

October 11, 2015Nina KovnerGROW, MY TRUTH

“What you allow is what will continue.” Unknown

In working with my clients each day and engaging with community on the social web, I find one of the biggest challenges many face is in setting healthy boundaries.

Look, up until 8 years ago, to be honest, I had no idea what that even meant. I was living a boundary-less life. I was at the mercy of others energy, desires, moods and thoughts. I was emotionally broken. And then everything changed (with a 35 day treatment program and 8 years of therapy which I am still in today). Even today, I struggle with it. Why? Because I am human. And so are you.

Since I am in the empowerment business, I find nothing more empowering than loving self. And setting healthy boundaries are one of the best ways to empower, love and serve our hearts.

So what the heck are boundaries and how do we set healthy ones? Here is what an article from Psychology Today says about healthy boundaries…

“Boundaries are an inside job. And they have to do, not so much with where others stop but with where we genuinely begin.”

First and foremost, we must decide that we are sick and tired of being sick and tired. It’s not until we make that decision, we can move forward and begin to grow.

Next, think about all the situations are you in today, in biz and in life, where you are struggling with boundaries.

Could it be with a client wanting to get “squeezed” in or wanting access to you 24/7?
Price bartering?
Unreasonable expectations?
Doing things we actually do not want to be doing?
Could it be with a team member who totally disrespects your culture and vision, or you, or other team members?
Not being able to let go of toxic people, team members, clients, relationships?
Could it be that you find yourself in total burnout mode more often than not, due to feeling “bad” and not wanting to say no to anyone?
What about online? Succumbing to the obnoxious behavior of cyber bullies?
Getting sucked into rants and awful news?
Following people we don’t really want to follow but we feel we “must”?

OMG, the list could go on and on. And where the dance begins, is in learning that healthy boundaries are not about putting up walls, but in creating a permeable “fence” that allows us to practice self care, thus my choice for the above image, a beautiful fence on the beach, which both protects and accepts.

Here are some affirmations that may help you in your journey to learning to setting healthy boundaries. And let me be clear. This stuff is not easy. Far from it. It’s super uncomfortable, for reals. But each time we set a healthy boundary, it gets easier. One boundary at a time.

Awesome Boundary Affirmations
I set healthy boundaries to be more loving to others and myself.
I will say NO to others and say YES to myself.
I am perfectly imperfect, and so are the others around me.
I am a courageous and loving human.
I am in control of how I choose to respond and react to others.
I cannot control people or their actions.
I respect my needs and myself.
I teach people how to treat me.
I will put my oxygen mask on first, so I can be present for others.
I create space in my life so I can breathe.

If you struggle with setting healthy boundaries, it may be an issue of co-dependence. One of the greatest books I have ever read on this topic and one that helped me is Codependent No More by one of my favorite self-help authors Melody Beattie. Click here to learn more.

Love + Awesomeness-
Nina

Zen Louis Kovner

Over You… A Grief Story

September 13, 2015Nina KovnerGROW, MY TRUTH

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. Brené Brown

This post was originally written on June 17, 2013, as I was processing the unbearable grief of losing my Dad unexpectedly. Today, on September 14, 2015, over two years later, I felt compelled to share it again, upon losing the best little dude on the planet, my Zen Louis Kovner. Not so ironically, the original audio recording of this post had Zen snoring in the background. Precious moments, as well as reminders, the daily reminders of our lost loved ones are gifts, no matter how much they hurt our hearts. This is for Zen… And my Dad, And for You, and for Me.

I was supposed to write this post yesterday, on Fathers Day. But I found that I just could not focus, or really get out of bed to be honest. I was sad.

The truth is, I have many days like this. I miss my Dad. Fathers Day sucks. It is just a brutal reminder that my Dad is gone.

They say I’ll be OK. I was told the first year it the hardest. Really? It’s been 1 year, 6 months and 5 days. Still not any easier. But thanks for trying.

Our emotions are funny little things. As is the desire of others to try to “make everything better”. Sometimes, we just have to sit in it. To feel it. To accept it. To explore the darkness. For me, its part of the healing process.

This is not about being positive or negative, its about being honest with ourselves about how we really feel. Pretending everything is OK is not real. It’s not honest.

For me, music is medicine, it helps me express my pain, my sadness, my happiness, my joy and serves as a way to express myself, to myself, when things are too crazy to process.

When I first heard the song Over You, Cassadee Pope was singing it on The Voice. I absolutely lost it. It was everything I was feeling and could not express. This past week I must have listened to it 10 times. I needed to express what I was feeling, and was having a hard time. This song seems to do the trick. Instant waterworks and emotion.

I learned the hard way (by hard way I mean a total breakdown and 5 weeks in rehab) that when we do not express our truest authentic self, we begin to die inside. In this world of endless “motivation”, “inspiration” and “positivity”, we do ourselves the greatest disservice by not owning our real emotions. Being sad is OK. Losing a parent sucks. Pretending we are over it sucks even more.

Here are the lyrics to the song that has become my medicine. If you are sad or in pain about losing a loved one, I hope that maybe these lyrics speak to your heart too. It’s OK to not be OK. It’s actually better than OK, it means you are human. And humans feel things.

Over You by Miranda Lambert

“Weather man said it’s gonna snow
By now I should be used to the cold
Mid-February shouldn’t be so scary
It was only December
I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me

But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you

Living alone here in this place
I think of you, and I’m not afraid
Your favorite records make me feel better
Cause you sing along
With every song
I know you didn’t mean to give them to me

But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you

It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone

Cause you went away, How dare you? I miss you They say I’ll be OK But I’m not going to ever get over you.”

The greatest gift we can give ourselves and our world is to be our authentic selves. I am not talking about wallowing or being paralyzed by our emotions, I am talking about feeling them, acknowledging they are real, processing them and coming out on the other side empowered, and forever changed.

Love + Gratitude-
Nina

If It Was Easy HD

If It Was Easy

August 31, 2015Nina KovnerGROW

“I’m a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” Thomas Jefferson

(originally posted in April 2014, revised August 2015)

A conversation I had with a super awesome hairdresser the other day has been completely stuck in my mind, so what better way to get it out than to share it. Here is how the conversation went…

We were discussing a very successful salon in Los Angeles. Like mad successful. How did we define successful? Happy team members, happy clients. A TON of traffic. I also happen to know they are very profitable. My friend said to me…”Why don’t other salons work like that? They could be awesome too!” My response was, I know. They could. But they choose not to.

You see, success is a choice. And it is NOT easy. No matter what people say. Oh, and let’s just smash the other myth, that there is a secret. I call total BS on that one. And then there is the “they are so lucky.” Really? Luck? I like what Thomas Jefferson said in the quote above, that luck is tied directly to work. Very smart man.

Don’t know what to do to be successful? Find out. When we choose to become a brand owner, we have opted into knowing what it takes and doing what it takes. We either acquire the knowledge or hire the knowledge. We create. Then we execute like a bad ass. Measure. Adjust. Create again. Period.

If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. What are you doing to grow your business? Hiring the knowledge or acquiring the knowledge? It’s a choice. And the most important thing to do right now it to make one.

Love + Awesomeness-

Nina