“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. Brené Brown
This post was originally written on June 17, 2013, as I was processing the unbearable grief of losing my Dad unexpectedly. Today, on September 14, 2015, over two years later, I felt compelled to share it again, upon losing the best little dude on the planet, my Zen Louis Kovner. Not so ironically, the original audio recording of this post had Zen snoring in the background. Precious moments, as well as reminders, the daily reminders of our lost loved ones are gifts, no matter how much they hurt our hearts. This is for Zen… And my Dad, And for You, and for Me.
I was supposed to write this post yesterday, on Fathers Day. But I found that I just could not focus, or really get out of bed to be honest. I was sad.
The truth is, I have many days like this. I miss my Dad. Fathers Day sucks. It is just a brutal reminder that my Dad is gone.
They say I’ll be OK. I was told the first year it the hardest. Really? It’s been 1 year, 6 months and 5 days. Still not any easier. But thanks for trying.
Our emotions are funny little things. As is the desire of others to try to “make everything better”. Sometimes, we just have to sit in it. To feel it. To accept it. To explore the darkness. For me, its part of the healing process.
This is not about being positive or negative, its about being honest with ourselves about how we really feel. Pretending everything is OK is not real. It’s not honest.
For me, music is medicine, it helps me express my pain, my sadness, my happiness, my joy and serves as a way to express myself, to myself, when things are too crazy to process.
When I first heard the song Over You, Cassadee Pope was singing it on The Voice. I absolutely lost it. It was everything I was feeling and could not express. This past week I must have listened to it 10 times. I needed to express what I was feeling, and was having a hard time. This song seems to do the trick. Instant waterworks and emotion.
I learned the hard way (by hard way I mean a total breakdown and 5 weeks in rehab) that when we do not express our truest authentic self, we begin to die inside. In this world of endless “motivation”, “inspiration” and “positivity”, we do ourselves the greatest disservice by not owning our real emotions. Being sad is OK. Losing a parent sucks. Pretending we are over it sucks even more.
Here are the lyrics to the song that has become my medicine. If you are sad or in pain about losing a loved one, I hope that maybe these lyrics speak to your heart too. It’s OK to not be OK. It’s actually better than OK, it means you are human. And humans feel things.
Over You by Miranda Lambert
“Weather man said it’s gonna snow
By now I should be used to the cold
Mid-February shouldn’t be so scary
It was only December
I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me
But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you
Living alone here in this place
I think of you, and I’m not afraid
Your favorite records make me feel better
Cause you sing along
With every song
I know you didn’t mean to give them to me
But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you
It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone
Cause you went away, How dare you? I miss you They say I’ll be OK But I’m not going to ever get over you.”
The greatest gift we can give ourselves and our world is to be our authentic selves. I am not talking about wallowing or being paralyzed by our emotions, I am talking about feeling them, acknowledging they are real, processing them and coming out on the other side empowered, and forever changed.
Love + Gratitude-
Nina