Is Confidence Really A Choice?

March 24, 2014Nina KovnerGROW, MY TRUTH

Confidence is a choice, not a symptom.  -Seth Godin

 

Here is the audio version of this post. Thanks so much for listening. Enjoy!

Just last week I wrote about confidence when sharing the Creating Awesome Recipe. It seems I just keep feeling the pull to write about it more. Why? Because as I shared last week, to me, it is one of the biggest things holding back so many small business owners, particularly in the professional beauty biz. And it totally bums me out, since if that is really the only thing holding back greatness, why is it not talked about more?

So my marketing and biz guru Seth Godin wrote about it recently too, and I had to share, as I love his take on it… Here is what confidence means, taken directly from his blog…

“The batter has already hit two home runs. When he gets up to bat for the third time, his confidence is running high…

It’s easy to feel confident when we’re on a roll, when the cards are going our way, or we’re closing sales right and left. This symptomatic confidence, one built on a recent series of successes, isn’t particularly difficult to accomplish or useful.

Effective confidence comes from within, it’s not the result of external events. The confident salesperson is likely to close more sales. The confident violinist expresses more of the music. The confident leader points us to the places we want (and need) to go.

You succeed because you’ve chosen to be confident. It’s not really useful to require yourself to be successful before you’re able to become confident.”

I agree with Seth. And I would also add that yes, education is very empowering, knowledge does destroy fear as my awesome buddy DJ Muldoon shares with us, but in the end, you gotta believe. You gotta do what you gotta do to truly believe you can make it happen, that you deserve success.

I think the other myth is that believing and knowing are the same thing. To me, they are not. I believe that I can empower people. It’s what I do everyday. I believe it. But do I know for sure that what I share will empower people? Well, actually, no. I don’t know for sure. But because I believe it, I have a much better chance of choosing to show up, create and share myself with the people I love, with the belief that they will be better for having engaged with me. It’s why I wrote my book, Follow Your Heart, it’s why I wake up every day. Because I believe. What do you believe?

(shared with LOVE from Nina)

Until We Truly Believe…

January 6, 2014Nina KovnerGROW, MY TRUTH

I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself. – Rita Mae Brown

Here is the audio version of this post. Thank you so much for listening. Enjoy.

It’s that week, you know, the week where we either kept our resolutions or have already begun to shame ourselves because we did not. For me, resolutions are some of the most harmful processes we bring entirely onto ourselves. Why? Don’t we already beat ourselves up enough?

Here’s the deal. Until we really, deep down, inside our souls believe we deserve to achieve awesomeness, however we define it, in business and in life, we will just keep hitting a wall and feeling bad about ourselves.

Think about it. We make a resolution to lose weight. We join the gym, get the outfit, mark it on our calendars, write it down, hang up things on the fridge, then go. Day one, awesome. Day two, ever more awesome. Day three. Ugh. Its cold outside. I have to get to a meeting. I overslept. The list goes on. Why does this happen? Because we skipped the most important part? The inside work. The work on breaking free from self sabotage. The self-love part. The hard stuff.

Just because society says that we are to set goals or resolutions a certain way does not mean it is right for all of us. The more we conform to others ways of doing things, the more we may find that we keep hitting a wall and feeling bad about ourselves.

Now this applies to business as well. To me, there is no difference. Business is made up of humans. We all bring our issues, esteem, perspectives into work everyday. As business owners, the same applies. You know if you implement that referral program, and consistently manage and promote it, you will get new clients. But you begin strong, and a month later, it’s almost completely forgotten. Why? It’s just another form of self sabotage, in this case, for whatever reason, being in fear or feeling not deserving of an awesome business.

We go through life being taught all sorts of tactics, strategies, systems and ways of living. We are told you should do this. And we try, attempt, give it our best, and yet, things many times just seem like they are just not right.

If we want to create awesome in life and live our dreams, it all begins with believing we deserve it. It begins with falling in love with the most important person on the planet, ourselves.

Here are some ways that I work on my insides, if any of these resonate, you may want to give them a try…

1. Read The Daily Love blog every morning.
This helps get my head focused on self-love first thing in the morning.

2. See my therapist every two weeks.
This is my medicine for keeping my mind right.

3. Daily gratitude lists.
This process, which I have written about several times, puts things in perspective for me, and gives me energy to keep creating awesome.

4. Connecting and helping people every day.
For me, the more I reach out and help people, the better I feel inside. The better I feel inside, the more awesome I tend to create.

5. Write.
For me, writing is therapeutic. Now let me get something clear, writing this blog is not easy, but I always feel better after getting what’s in my head on paper. For some it may be journaling or vision boarding, or creating any form of art. What’s most important here is that we allow ourselves to express our creativity one way or another.

6. Get some form of exercise.
Now, this is the toughest one for me, as I am still in the process of truly believing I deserve to be healthy. I know, sounds inane, but maybe you can relate. But I swear, on the days I do Pilates, my mind is more clear and my heart is more calm, and that allows me to create more awesome.

If resolutions work for you, awesome. If you are one of the millions, like me, who they don’t work for, try taking a few steps back and begin falling in love with your insides. Feel your fears, use them as creative fuel. Stop beating yourself up and shaming yourself, or allowing yourself to be shamed by society for not conforming. It’s time to begin creating your own kind of awesome. Now that is a resolution worth keeping.

Do you have a process for working on your insides? Want to share it to help empower others? Leave your comments below or send me a love note, I’m listening.

(shared with LOVE from Nina)