Zen Louis Kovner

Over You… A Grief Story

September 13, 2015Nina KovnerGROW, MY TRUTH

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. Brené Brown

This post was originally written on June 17, 2013, as I was processing the unbearable grief of losing my Dad unexpectedly. Today, on September 14, 2015, over two years later, I felt compelled to share it again, upon losing the best little dude on the planet, my Zen Louis Kovner. Not so ironically, the original audio recording of this post had Zen snoring in the background. Precious moments, as well as reminders, the daily reminders of our lost loved ones are gifts, no matter how much they hurt our hearts. This is for Zen… And my Dad, And for You, and for Me.

I was supposed to write this post yesterday, on Fathers Day. But I found that I just could not focus, or really get out of bed to be honest. I was sad.

The truth is, I have many days like this. I miss my Dad. Fathers Day sucks. It is just a brutal reminder that my Dad is gone.

They say I’ll be OK. I was told the first year it the hardest. Really? It’s been 1 year, 6 months and 5 days. Still not any easier. But thanks for trying.

Our emotions are funny little things. As is the desire of others to try to “make everything better”. Sometimes, we just have to sit in it. To feel it. To accept it. To explore the darkness. For me, its part of the healing process.

This is not about being positive or negative, its about being honest with ourselves about how we really feel. Pretending everything is OK is not real. It’s not honest.

For me, music is medicine, it helps me express my pain, my sadness, my happiness, my joy and serves as a way to express myself, to myself, when things are too crazy to process.

When I first heard the song Over You, Cassadee Pope was singing it on The Voice. I absolutely lost it. It was everything I was feeling and could not express. This past week I must have listened to it 10 times. I needed to express what I was feeling, and was having a hard time. This song seems to do the trick. Instant waterworks and emotion.

I learned the hard way (by hard way I mean a total breakdown and 5 weeks in rehab) that when we do not express our truest authentic self, we begin to die inside. In this world of endless “motivation”, “inspiration” and “positivity”, we do ourselves the greatest disservice by not owning our real emotions. Being sad is OK. Losing a parent sucks. Pretending we are over it sucks even more.

Here are the lyrics to the song that has become my medicine. If you are sad or in pain about losing a loved one, I hope that maybe these lyrics speak to your heart too. It’s OK to not be OK. It’s actually better than OK, it means you are human. And humans feel things.

Over You by Miranda Lambert

“Weather man said it’s gonna snow
By now I should be used to the cold
Mid-February shouldn’t be so scary
It was only December
I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me

But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you

Living alone here in this place
I think of you, and I’m not afraid
Your favorite records make me feel better
Cause you sing along
With every song
I know you didn’t mean to give them to me

But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you

It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone

Cause you went away, How dare you? I miss you They say I’ll be OK But I’m not going to ever get over you.”

The greatest gift we can give ourselves and our world is to be our authentic selves. I am not talking about wallowing or being paralyzed by our emotions, I am talking about feeling them, acknowledging they are real, processing them and coming out on the other side empowered, and forever changed.

Love + Gratitude-
Nina

Unmasking Life

Unmasking Life

January 12, 2015Nina KovnerGROW, GUEST BLOGS

Here is the audio version of this post. Thank you so much for listening.

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”  May Sarton

As a child we are immersed into a world of feelings both physically and emotionally. Two predominant feelings are love and pain. Like little sponges, we all absorb these into our body and mind.

Feelings of healthy love create security, safety and being centered. Repeated emotional or physical pain creates fear, sadness, and insecurity.

As children, it doesn’t feel safe enough to heal the pain, so it quietly gets buried in the body. Ultimately as an adult it shows up as:

  • Self- loathing
  • Deep anger
  • Depression
  • Self-sabotage
  • Self-abuse
  • Passivity

You can imagine how difficult it is to live with emotions like these on a daily basis, so over time a survival mask is created. This way, it appears to our co-workers, friends and family that we’re thriving on the outside, but on the inside we’re in pain which can also show up as physical ailments. This altered self-reality to mask the pain looks like:

  • Controlling and blaming others
  • Neediness
  • Busyness
  • Grandiosity
  • Manipulation
  • Emotional highs and lows
  • Addictions
  • Unhealthy boundaries

In business this mask ultimately creates lack of focus, blame, difficulty managing others, stagnant growth and self-sabotage. In personal life it creates unhappiness.

But the joy of living is choosing to free ourselves from our mask to then discover, be delighted by and then share our true self.

It’s a journey from darkness to light that most everyone is now experiencing. It involves challenges, real honesty, creative breakthroughs, setbacks, awareness, guidance, clarity and love.

It’s a beautiful journey we’re all on together as business owners and owners of our life.

Ultimately it’s about practicing being our true unmasked self.

-Nigel Sampson, CEO Whole Body Method and my personal Energy Healer
Nigel Sampson CEO Whole Body Method

To learn more from Nigel and to discover your path to healing and how it can enrich both your business and life, join us at Whole Body Whole Business, March 1 in Los Angeles. Click here to learn more and reserve your space.

(Any opinions expressed by the author are from personal discovery only are not meant to be construed as advice or scientific fact.)