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5 Awesome Life Lessons From My Dad

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway. -Mother Teresa

The above passage from Mother Teresa was my Dad’s favorite. With Father’s Day around the corner, the loss of my Dad almost 5 years ago feels just as painful as the day we said goodbye to him. I think of him every single day. There is always something there to remind me (cue Naked Eyes song).

There are so many mentors and heroes in our lives that we have all learned something from, and as this world moves faster and faster, it feels good to create space and reflect on those lessons. As the wisdom that had been gifted to us can help continue to guide our journeys, even when those people have left us.

Dads Awesome Life Lessons

  1. Stand up for what you believe in, even when it’s unpopular.
  2. Humor is an awesome way to connect + make people feel more comfortable.
  3. It’s OK to keep your circle small; spend your time with those you love.
  4. We can agree to disagree. Where there is mutual respect, there is always love.
  5. Compassion above all else. Always.

My Dad was one of the most compassionate humans I have ever known. And it all makes sense, he chose being a doctor as his life’s work. He healed people, using both his brain, his wisdom and most importantly his heart.

And here’s the thing, we had our moments, really tough ones in fact, as all families and relationships do. But I do not regret a second of it. And most importantly, I spent every waking moment with him I could. Each one of those moments is forever tattooed on my heart. And while I wish to God he was here right now, I can say, with my whole heart, that I am the person I am today because of the gifts my Dad gave me.

No matter what is happening with your family relationships at this moment, ask yourself this one thing… If they were gone tomorrow, would you wish you would have said or done something differently? If the answer is yes, please, I beg you, go do that thing. Then, when the time comes that they move into the other world, you will be able to smile, like I am right now, through all the tears, knowing you did not let a moment pass or a word left unsaid.

To all the awesome Dads reading this, Happy Fathers Day. For all those who have lost their Dad, I am sending you an extra dose of love.

Miss you Daddy. Happy Fathers Day in heaven.

Love + Gratitude-

Nina

PS: If you want to read more about my awesome Dad, you can Google Dr. Victor L. Kovner. He was quite a bad ass on so many levels.

Zen Louis Kovner

Over You… A Grief Story

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. Brené Brown

This post was originally written on June 17, 2013, as I was processing the unbearable grief of losing my Dad unexpectedly. Today, on September 14, 2015, over two years later, I felt compelled to share it again, upon losing the best little dude on the planet, my Zen Louis Kovner. Not so ironically, the original audio recording of this post had Zen snoring in the background. Precious moments, as well as reminders, the daily reminders of our lost loved ones are gifts, no matter how much they hurt our hearts. This is for Zen… And my Dad, And for You, and for Me.

I was supposed to write this post yesterday, on Fathers Day. But I found that I just could not focus, or really get out of bed to be honest. I was sad.

The truth is, I have many days like this. I miss my Dad. Fathers Day sucks. It is just a brutal reminder that my Dad is gone.

They say I’ll be OK. I was told the first year it the hardest. Really? It’s been 1 year, 6 months and 5 days. Still not any easier. But thanks for trying.

Our emotions are funny little things. As is the desire of others to try to “make everything better”. Sometimes, we just have to sit in it. To feel it. To accept it. To explore the darkness. For me, its part of the healing process.

This is not about being positive or negative, its about being honest with ourselves about how we really feel. Pretending everything is OK is not real. It’s not honest.

For me, music is medicine, it helps me express my pain, my sadness, my happiness, my joy and serves as a way to express myself, to myself, when things are too crazy to process.

When I first heard the song Over You, Cassadee Pope was singing it on The Voice. I absolutely lost it. It was everything I was feeling and could not express. This past week I must have listened to it 10 times. I needed to express what I was feeling, and was having a hard time. This song seems to do the trick. Instant waterworks and emotion.

I learned the hard way (by hard way I mean a total breakdown and 5 weeks in rehab) that when we do not express our truest authentic self, we begin to die inside. In this world of endless “motivation”, “inspiration” and “positivity”, we do ourselves the greatest disservice by not owning our real emotions. Being sad is OK. Losing a parent sucks. Pretending we are over it sucks even more.

Here are the lyrics to the song that has become my medicine. If you are sad or in pain about losing a loved one, I hope that maybe these lyrics speak to your heart too. It’s OK to not be OK. It’s actually better than OK, it means you are human. And humans feel things.

Over You by Miranda Lambert

“Weather man said it’s gonna snow
By now I should be used to the cold
Mid-February shouldn’t be so scary
It was only December
I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me

But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you

Living alone here in this place
I think of you, and I’m not afraid
Your favorite records make me feel better
Cause you sing along
With every song
I know you didn’t mean to give them to me

But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you

It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone

Cause you went away, How dare you? I miss you They say I’ll be OK But I’m not going to ever get over you.”

The greatest gift we can give ourselves and our world is to be our authentic selves. I am not talking about wallowing or being paralyzed by our emotions, I am talking about feeling them, acknowledging they are real, processing them and coming out on the other side empowered, and forever changed.

Love + Gratitude-
Nina