Passion Squared blog- The Wizard of Social Media (1)

The Wizard Behind The Selfie

August 1, 2016Nina KovnerENGAGE, MY TRUTH

“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!”  L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

In today’s world of online everything, there is so much light and love, but there also can be so much darkness and deception. You see, online we have the ability to present and promote just about anything. And many actually believe what is being presented to them. In so many ways, that can be awesome, but in other ways, it can be debilitating and impact people’s esteem.

What am I talking about? Perspective.

There are millions of images being shown to us each day. Some are real, and some not so much. And my question is… Is that a good thing or a bad thing? And my answer? Both.

The Magical “But I’m Sick” Selfie
Recently, I was asked to provide a head shot for an event. Which normally I would simply email my go-to black and white head shot most of you have seen on my website and social media, taken by my awesome friend Anne Slattery, and one that I did not have much makeup on and for sure no filters. It’s real. Wrinkles and all. And I love it. But this request was for a color head shot, which I did not have, and they needed it within 24 hours. OMG, what the hell was I gonna do?

On that particular day, I was battling a nasty cold, and the last thing I wanted to do is take a damn picture of my snot nose face. But as any awesomeness creator does, we step up and show up. So I put my big girl panties on, scrubbed my face, put on a shit ton of makeup (which I hardly ever do), called in #teamawesome, and said “lets do this”!

Makeup + Ringlights + Filters Oh My!
With packed on makeup, a fake smile (remember, I was sick!), a ring light and a Snapchat filter (the one that removes all trace of any flaws on our faces, which I call the good self esteem filter), we began shooting. About 25 pictures which were mostly selfies. And then I was done. What little energy I had was zapped from my body.

We took those pics and began to filter them even more, using whatever editing apps were going to create the most magic, and like magic, we had our final pic.

I don’t think I have ever received more feedback about the pic we took that day. I mean, it was like I had just finished a shoot for the cover of Vogue. “Nina, you look beautiful. Nina, those lashes. Nina, the light in your eyes, Nina….

And while I was so grateful for those beautiful words, it made me immediately think about the insane pressure we put on ourselves to look “perfect” on social media. To present “perfect”, to edit to “perfect” and to compare to “perfect”. And the fact it, most of what we see is just smoke and mirrors. Like the Wizard. Like my new head shot.

Yes, it’s me. Yes, I know I am beautiful, inside and out. But don’t get it twisted; it is not what I look like everyday. Not even close. I am two months from 50. I have wrinkles. My skin tone is not even. My lashes are extensions. And with a cold, I look even worse. And that is what is real.

Comparison Is The Thief of Joy
Now let me be clear, there is NOTHING wrong with using the awesome tools and technology available to us to present our best self and our best work. It’s awesome, and I love it. BUT, where it becomes dark and destructive is when we believe it’s actually real. Like 100%. And we begin comparing ourselves and our work to what we see on Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat.

In addition to that, please remember that most of the time, people only present what they want you to see. And we make things up in our heads as to what we believe to be true. Follower counts do not equal paying the bills. Pretty head shots do not equal being successful. And beautiful work does not mean you have a full clientele.

My promise as a human and a brand is to always be honest and authentic. Why? Because I am in the empowerment business. And empowerment comes from within. Empowerment comes when we own our awesomeness, wrinkles and all.

So by all means use the lights, the filters, the lashes, the makeup, the apps, all of it. But please, be honest with yourself and others. And stop comparing your behind the scenes to others highlight reels (or selfies, or head shots or work, or claims, or follower counts, or…).

Love + Awesomeness-

Nina xo

PS: Wanna share Snap stories? I’m passionsquared, I would love to connect with you!

Zen Louis Kovner

Over You… A Grief Story

September 13, 2015Nina KovnerGROW, MY TRUTH

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. Brené Brown

This post was originally written on June 17, 2013, as I was processing the unbearable grief of losing my Dad unexpectedly. Today, on September 14, 2015, over two years later, I felt compelled to share it again, upon losing the best little dude on the planet, my Zen Louis Kovner. Not so ironically, the original audio recording of this post had Zen snoring in the background. Precious moments, as well as reminders, the daily reminders of our lost loved ones are gifts, no matter how much they hurt our hearts. This is for Zen… And my Dad, And for You, and for Me.

I was supposed to write this post yesterday, on Fathers Day. But I found that I just could not focus, or really get out of bed to be honest. I was sad.

The truth is, I have many days like this. I miss my Dad. Fathers Day sucks. It is just a brutal reminder that my Dad is gone.

They say I’ll be OK. I was told the first year it the hardest. Really? It’s been 1 year, 6 months and 5 days. Still not any easier. But thanks for trying.

Our emotions are funny little things. As is the desire of others to try to “make everything better”. Sometimes, we just have to sit in it. To feel it. To accept it. To explore the darkness. For me, its part of the healing process.

This is not about being positive or negative, its about being honest with ourselves about how we really feel. Pretending everything is OK is not real. It’s not honest.

For me, music is medicine, it helps me express my pain, my sadness, my happiness, my joy and serves as a way to express myself, to myself, when things are too crazy to process.

When I first heard the song Over You, Cassadee Pope was singing it on The Voice. I absolutely lost it. It was everything I was feeling and could not express. This past week I must have listened to it 10 times. I needed to express what I was feeling, and was having a hard time. This song seems to do the trick. Instant waterworks and emotion.

I learned the hard way (by hard way I mean a total breakdown and 5 weeks in rehab) that when we do not express our truest authentic self, we begin to die inside. In this world of endless “motivation”, “inspiration” and “positivity”, we do ourselves the greatest disservice by not owning our real emotions. Being sad is OK. Losing a parent sucks. Pretending we are over it sucks even more.

Here are the lyrics to the song that has become my medicine. If you are sad or in pain about losing a loved one, I hope that maybe these lyrics speak to your heart too. It’s OK to not be OK. It’s actually better than OK, it means you are human. And humans feel things.

Over You by Miranda Lambert

“Weather man said it’s gonna snow
By now I should be used to the cold
Mid-February shouldn’t be so scary
It was only December
I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me

But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you

Living alone here in this place
I think of you, and I’m not afraid
Your favorite records make me feel better
Cause you sing along
With every song
I know you didn’t mean to give them to me

But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you

It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone

Cause you went away, How dare you? I miss you They say I’ll be OK But I’m not going to ever get over you.”

The greatest gift we can give ourselves and our world is to be our authentic selves. I am not talking about wallowing or being paralyzed by our emotions, I am talking about feeling them, acknowledging they are real, processing them and coming out on the other side empowered, and forever changed.

Love + Gratitude-
Nina

Day One

The Other Layers

July 15, 2013Nina KovnerGROW, MY TRUTH

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.”

Brene Brown

 

Day One

Here is the audio version of this post. Thank you for listening. Enjoy.
The Other Layers

We all have layers, and I am not talking of the ones you do on your clients. I’m speaking of the other layers. The layers of truth, struggles, shame and pain.

My journey has been one of many layers and yesterday I began a new journey to peel back a big one that I have struggled with my entire life. I am writing this post in hopes to help others who struggle as I do, to give permission to those who live with this pain, to have the courage to uncover the pain, share their truth, and in hopes empower others to do the same.

This is not about a weight loss journey. The weight is the result of something much deeper. It was that extreme black and white thinking that has kept me from the truth. This is a journey of turning fears into fuel, battling my anxiety and panic disorder, silencing the voices in my head and a very old film reel in my head and heart that needs to be destroyed.

The truth is, I have battled my entire life with self-esteem and body image issues. When I was young, I was weighed in every single day, and I recorded my weight on a little calendar. Every single day. My greatest “accomplishment” in this area was at the peak of my eating disorder. Popping pills every morning and making sure most of the food I did consume ended up where it belonged, in the toilet, as soon as I ate it. Not awesome. Not at all. I have worked too hard on so many areas of my life to allow this one to win.

It amazes me how we can sabotage ourselves so much, and no matter what, we find excuses as to why we cannot peel back the layers. I understand it’s scary, writing this post is scary for me, putting it out for the world to see, admitting that I have a problem, those are all scary things…

Here is part of the story I have been telling myself for years…
1. I am too busy.
2. I have anxiety and panic disorder.
3. I have a slow metabolism.
4. My Dad died and I am sad.
5. I will start tomorrow.
6. Who cares how you look and feel. It’s nobody’s business.
7. It was that medication they put me on 6 years ago, it’s their fault.
8. I have a fractured lower back.
9. I don’t care.

Some of the excuses above are actual realities of my life. But to make them excuses for not living an awesomely authentic life is just lame. We can always find excuses.

The new story I am telling myself…
1. We find time for that which is important.
2. Food, meditation and daily exercise works wonders for anxiety.
3. Fuck the slow metabolism, it can be re-set with food and exercise.
4. It’s perfectly OK to miss my Dad, and I know there is nothing he wants more than for me to win the battle my demons.
5. Tomorrow is never guaranteed.
6. It’s not about what others think, see or feel, its about how I think, see and feel.
7. Forgive the doctors who messed with you. Forgiveness is the first step to freedom.
8. Yes, you do have a fractured back, accept it, and take care of yourself so it can get better.
9. I do care.

We all have battles that we fight in silence. Silence for many can be a killer. I have made a decision to no longer be silent. I made this decision because I want to live my truth in order to help others live theirs.

I am so grateful to have people in my life who support my journeys, we all need cheerleaders. But in the end, my battle is between me and me. Isn’t that the truth for all of our internal battles? Yes, it sucks, and it’s painful to face the darkest parts of ourselves. But when we choose to empower ourselves and peel back more layers, when we choose to be vulnerable, we just never know who we may be empowering in the process. And that is a beautiful thing.

(shared with LOVE from Nina)

PS: You can find the super cool Hair Nerd shirt here. It gives you super powers.