She Said. He Said.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

George Bernard Shaw

(Image via Dark Roasted Blend)

Here is the audio version of this post. Thanks so much for listening. Enjoy.
She Said. He Said

One of the biggest opportunities I see for people and businesses to create awesome is communication and managing expectations. Whether it be with our teams, our clients, our partners or our vendors, so much angst and disappointment is caused by a simple lack of communication.

Why am I writing about this? Well, I am in home improvement hell, a place I am all too familiar with, and when I hit a wall, I always take a step back and figure out how things can work better. I am an analyst at heart; of people, of businesses, of systems and processes. I love this shit.

I was also inspired to write about this topic as a few of my clients have been having some bumps in the road with issues surrounding resentful team members, managing expectations and communication. And because my purpose it to help empower the people that I love, this is an area I am passionate about. You can have the best building, artistic techniques, marketing, Facebook page and brochure, but when communications fail and managing expectations goes sideways, so does the business or the relationship.

What does communication and managing expectations mean? Here is my take…

Communication
A two-way sharing of both verbal and non-verbal messages.

Now that sounds pretty easy, right? Well, it’s not. As the quote above says, “the illusion it has taken place.”

Scenario #1
Person One
“You don’t care about me.”

Person Two
“Yes I do.”

Is that communication? Nope. Why? Because Person Two did not really hear what Person One was saying.

Here is another take…
Person One
“You don’t care about me.”

Person Two
“Nina, what I hear you say is that I don’t care about you. And I make up that you are not feeling loved or appreciated by me. What can I do to show you I care?”

Now that my friends, is communication. Both people were heard, both are getting their needs met.

Managing Expectations
Ensuring that the expectations communicated are met. Having full clarity up front as to both parties expectations.

Scenario #1
Person One
“When I interviewed at your salon, you said there would be weekly team gatherings and quarterly education events, neither has happened.”

Person Two
“I never said that. I said sometimes we have team gatherings and education events. I am not sure where you got quarterly from, it’s just not true.”

Ouch!

Here is another take…
Person One
“When I interviewed at your salon, you said there would be weekly team gatherings and quarterly education events, neither has happened.”

Person Two
“What I hear you saying is that connecting weekly and on-going education is very important to you, as is knowing what will be happening consistently within our salon. I hear you, and would like to let you know that we have just put together a calendar that we will be posting in the team lounge. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.”

Can you see the difference? Can you feel the difference? I know I can.

When we think about managing expectations, we must remember that just because we think something, does not mean the other person has the same perspective or understanding.

Scenario #2
Person One
“I know you have been very good to me and care about your staff, but I need more flexibility in my schedule and the ability to earn more money.”

Person Two
“Yes, we all want more money. What about all the benefits we invest in and work tirelessly to give you. I am a bit disappointed in your attitude and lack of gratitude.”

Here is another take…
Person One
“I know you have been very good to me and care about your staff, but I need more flexibility in my schedule and the ability to earn more money.”

Person Two
“I hear that what is most important to you is schedule flexibility and making more money and that the benefits we provide are not as important. Does that sound about right?”

This little shift in dialog can open up a healthy, two-way communication that will resolve the issue, by managing expectations and being open, regardless if the team member decides to stay or not, both parties are clear.

One of the biggest mistakes we make is thinking we have communicated or thinking what is of value to us is of value to others. By simply getting clarity around expectations and communication, life (and home improvement projects) can be so much more awesome, for all parties involved.

Oh, and the home improvement debacle, I realized I did not communicate back what I heard my painter say and did not share my expectations clearly enough. I own it and am working to make it better, with the help of some really awesome friends I have. Am I still pissed off? Absolutely, but mostly at myself for not taking the above actions in the beginning of the project. We live. We learn. Awesome.

(shared with LOVE from Nina)