Is Confidence Really A Choice?

March 24, 2014Nina KovnerGROW, MY TRUTH

Confidence is a choice, not a symptom.  -Seth Godin

 

Here is the audio version of this post. Thanks so much for listening. Enjoy!

Just last week I wrote about confidence when sharing the Creating Awesome Recipe. It seems I just keep feeling the pull to write about it more. Why? Because as I shared last week, to me, it is one of the biggest things holding back so many small business owners, particularly in the professional beauty biz. And it totally bums me out, since if that is really the only thing holding back greatness, why is it not talked about more?

So my marketing and biz guru Seth Godin wrote about it recently too, and I had to share, as I love his take on it… Here is what confidence means, taken directly from his blog…

“The batter has already hit two home runs. When he gets up to bat for the third time, his confidence is running high…

It’s easy to feel confident when we’re on a roll, when the cards are going our way, or we’re closing sales right and left. This symptomatic confidence, one built on a recent series of successes, isn’t particularly difficult to accomplish or useful.

Effective confidence comes from within, it’s not the result of external events. The confident salesperson is likely to close more sales. The confident violinist expresses more of the music. The confident leader points us to the places we want (and need) to go.

You succeed because you’ve chosen to be confident. It’s not really useful to require yourself to be successful before you’re able to become confident.”

I agree with Seth. And I would also add that yes, education is very empowering, knowledge does destroy fear as my awesome buddy DJ Muldoon shares with us, but in the end, you gotta believe. You gotta do what you gotta do to truly believe you can make it happen, that you deserve success.

I think the other myth is that believing and knowing are the same thing. To me, they are not. I believe that I can empower people. It’s what I do everyday. I believe it. But do I know for sure that what I share will empower people? Well, actually, no. I don’t know for sure. But because I believe it, I have a much better chance of choosing to show up, create and share myself with the people I love, with the belief that they will be better for having engaged with me. It’s why I wrote my book, Follow Your Heart, it’s why I wake up every day. Because I believe. What do you believe?

(shared with LOVE from Nina)

Delays + Denials

March 3, 2014Nina KovnerGROW, MY TRUTH

All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.  – J.M Barrie, Creator of Peter Pan

 

Here is the audio version of this post. It’s my first time recording on a new computer in my new space, so its a bit wonky, it will get better. Thank you so much for understanding and listening. Enjoy.

For the last 7 months, I have been overwhelmed with the process of selling my house and deciding where I would be moving myself, my canine babies and Passion Squared. Talk about an experience in patience and trust. OMG, there were days and weeks I was not sure I would survive.

Being overwhelmed by all the stops and starts and mistakes. Not knowing when or if, or as my therapist says, being in a forever “hallway”. Ugh, hallways, seriously one of the worst places to be. So why am I sharing this in my blog?

For months I have been thinking about how I would share my experience once I came out the other side. So here I sit today, finally out of the hallway and into my new space, and new chapter.

So what did I learn?

A delay is not always a denial.
When I think back on my life, I am so grateful for the things that did not go my way, as much as I am for the things that did. And many times, the things I wanted so badly, were not actually the best things for me. I trust that the Universe or what ever you want to call it knows. The more I learn to trust and pay attention, the more I see this as truth.

Life is one series of lessons.
When I choose to look at it that way, things get a little bit easier and actually become funny in a way. Cause seriously, many times, all I could do was laugh, in between tears of course. What makes life so awesome is the lessons, if we can see them and learn from them. Isn’t that why we are here?

Wants and needs are very different.
What I wanted was my house to sell in 5 seconds so I could get on with my life, no interruptions, nothing. Realistic? Hell no! What I needed was to trust that the people I put in charge of selling my house knew what they were doing, and that the perfect buyer would come, eventually. Patience is still not my strong suit. And I made a huge mistake choosing my first realtor. So I own my decision, make better choices, and move forward. And trust that if I do my part, my needs will be met. Even when it’s not on my perfect timeline.

What is right for you is not necessarily right for me.
This is one of the biggest reminders for me during this process. You see, I had to sit for a long time in my decision to buy a house in the first place. Looking in the mirror is never easy. I purchased a home because that is what I thought I was supposed to do. So many people told me that was what I was supposed to do. You know, the American dream thing? Well, guess what? That is total BS.

In looking through years of decisions I have made, I realized many of them were based on what other people thought. What other people said. Not on what felt right for me. So here I sit, realizing again that so much of my life was built based on others thoughts and opinions. Not everyone is meant to be a homeowner, or a business owner for that matter. For reals. We all have a path. We all have skill sets. But to assume what is right for you is right for me is what gets so many of us in trouble. With life, leadership, and even home ownership.

So today, as I sit in my new loft space in downtown LA, with all the sights and sounds, the energy, the aliveness, I am finally at peace. Knowing that this was all just another awesome lesson, in this crazy journey called life. And today, I am grateful for the delays and denials. I am grateful for everything.

(shared with LOVE from Nina)

 

Changing Tracks

February 17, 2014Nina KovnerGROW, MY TRUTH

Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge. – Eckhart Tolle

 Here is the audio version of this post. Thank you so much for listening. Enjoy.

Change. It’s one of those things that is always tossed around as inevitable yet so many still try to avoid it, whether we are conscious of it or not. I recently experienced something that made me really stop and think about how we many times fear change, or see it as such a negative thing it almost paralyzes us.

This is what happened.

When the new iPhone iOS7 came out, from my perspective, it seemed as though everyone hated it. Typically when Apple launched as new iOS, people got so excited. Including me. New features. New toys. Awesome, right? But with iOS7, all I heard was what a nightmare it was and be ready to have a ton of time on your hands to relearn how to use just about everything. The issue that stuck out most to me was the changes in iCal, which basically runs my life. Every move I make is on iCal, even trash day.

Life has been a little upside down and nutty for me the last several months, and the last thing I needed was my iCal messed up. Seriously, in my mind, if that happened, I would have to crawl into a hole, for real.

The update could wait. It was too dangerous and scary. At least that is what I thought, based on all the noise on the social web. So I waited. And waited. Until…

Facebook launched the new app called Paper, which is actually a really cool & new way to experience Facebook. But, I had to have iOS7 to get it. OMG. Are you kidding me? So it happened. I decided it was time to update my phone. The thoughts running through my mind were crazy. But I took the plunge. And pressed update…and waited.

What comes next is truly where the lesson was for me. After several months of fearing the update, fearing losing all of my information, fearing not being able to use my lifeline called iCal, I turned on my phone and to my total disbelief, it was awesome. Everything was essentially the same, only a bit more awesome looking. More intuitive. More seamless. More new. That was it.

In business and in life, we can see change as negative, or we can see it as opening up more space, creating new opportunity, creating more awesome. Whether its making that long overdue change in your team, systems, or programs, whether it’s a relationship that’s run its course, not all change is negative. Once we accept that, it is truly amazing how much time we can save and awesomeness we can create.

(shared with LOVE from Nina)

Until You Consider

February 3, 2014Nina KovnerMY TRUTH

You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it. – To Kill A Mockingbird

 Here is the audio version of this post. Thank you so much for listening.

As I opened up the TMZ app Sunday morning, my heart sank, another beloved celebrity, another drug overdose.  Then comes all the voices on the internet, some singing praises and sadness, many passing judgement. It happens. Every time. And every time. I sit in horror and sadness.

I never knew Philip Seymour Hoffman, or Cory Monteith, or Chris Farley or many of the millions of souls who lives are taken by drugs, or mental illness.

What I do know, however, all too well, is my own battle and the battles of my loved ones.

Suicide resides on both sides of my family as does addiction.  I have sat by the bedside of loved ones as they survived their 3rd heroin OD in as many years.

I have come close to taking my own life, twice, and have battled with addiction in many forms. So you bet I understand. And I have immense compassion.

Its time to get serious about mental health. Its time to acknowledge that so many of our problems as a society stem from not addressing mental health issues. Homelessness, mass shootings, crime, prison overcrowding, overdoses and suicides, so much of it stems from mental health.

Until you have climbed into my skin, you may never really know what it feels like to be in so much pain that dying seems like the best solution. Until you have climbed into the skin of a heroin addict or a schizophrenic, or someone who is bi polar, you will never fully understand. But instead of judging and blaming, how about become part of the solution.

You see, one of the most tragic things about mental health is we struggle in silence. We don’t have a disease that people rally around and raise money for. No, we are the forgotten ones until a famous person tragically shows up in the news. Then one 24 hour news cycle later, we are forgotten again.

What can we do? Get educated. Show some compassion. Listen. Stop judging. Talk about it. Lift the stigma.

Just like any movement, the more people that become aware, the more conversations we have, the more we can bring about change.

While there are many quality facilities that offer help, there are not enough. We can do better. For ourselves, our families, our friends, our co-workers and our communities.

This is not about politics, its about life.

(shared with LOVE from Nina)

Just Ship It

January 20, 2014Nina KovnerGROW, MY TRUTH

You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do. -Henry Ford

Here is the audio version of this post. Thanks so much for listening.

How many great biz ideas do you have right now that you have not taken action on? How many times have you talked about doing something awesome and never followed through?

Many of us can relate to the questions above, and its what I call a shipping problem.

You see, we can have all the most awesome ideas in the world, but unless we “ship” them, launch them, initiate them; they are just awesome ideas that will never have any impact on our business or the world.

If you find yourself unable to ship, there may be a few things happening that you need to explore.

Are you afraid?
Do you not have the resources or knowledge?
Do you have too much on your to-do list?
Are you a perfectionist?

All of these things are real and worth exploring, but not always an excuse to not ship your idea.  Now I’m not talking about a $100K remodel, I am talking about ideas, programs, products or services that can bring value to your world and help grow your biz.

Typically, what I have found working with my clients and community, is it is all four that stop so many from creating awesome. So lets break it down.

Fear
Most of us fear failure to some degree. But if we are going to ever create awesome, we have to use that fear as creative fuel, bust through, and do it anyway. It’s takes a TON of courage to create stuff. And even more courage to launch and ship it.

Resources + Knowledge
In today’s world, there are a gazillion resources at our fingertips as well as information to help us ship our idea. We just have to want it bad enough to find those resources and knowledge.

The To-Do List
In order to do important things; we have to let go of our obsession with the to-do list. If we get really honest with ourselves, most of the stuff on that list can be deleted, moved or delegated.

Perfectionism
Is deadly. The idea that something is ever going to be perfect enough is one of the most dangerous thoughts we have. Why? It can prevent us from doing just about anything. And guess what? It’s never going to be perfect. Ever. Its not meant to be perfect and neither are we.

I wrote my new book, Follow Your Heart, on January 1, 2013. I sat on it for almost 9 months. Why? Fear, my perceived lack of resources, knowledge and my to-do list.  I have long lost the need for anything to be perfect, however, this did creep into my head when I recorded the audio version of the book. For real’s. Upon listening to the book, I began to judge its contents, to the degree that I had to stop listening or I probably would not have shipped.

As I prepare to finally release my book into the universe on January 26th, I see how I was 100% responsible for not shipping. Regret? Never. But what an incredible lesson it was for me, to always remember to look in the mirror, and realize my ability to create awesome and ship awesome is my choice.

(shared with LOVE from Nina)